My Racial Reality Re: Buffalo

 So NPR did a piece this morning on the “Replacement Theory” that we started to really hear about around Charlottesville. And since I’m in bed sick today I have time to share how this rhetoric has had a very real impact on my life.

In a *very different workplace, I had a colleague who religiously watched programming that espoused and platformed this theory. And regularly after the shows would end, they would come out and pick a, “debate” with me. Mind you these discussions weren’t about work.

And eventually they went from being overall social-political to all racially focused in some way. And this wouldn’t happen to anyone else. Just me the lone POC manager, in front of our colleagues.

It didn’t take long for me to feel specifically targeted and antagonized because of my race. It got bad enough that others also could see the pattern. It got to the point where I demanded leadership and HR intervene. But it continued.

Keep in mind this person was educated, seemingly level headed, often supportive. But after getting that nightly cable news fix, things would drastically change.

Couple that with issues I was having with corporate culture and the entire country going through a reckoning on race. That antagonism was a match to a tinder box that was my well-being at the time.

The response from what I assume to be well meaning leaders was to be the bigger person, show strength, stand up for myself. But the thing is, I’m just one person. I’m human. And what I was experiencing is steeped in decades of bias and structural racism.

I broke, and while it may have looked like I had a few emotional or bizarre outbursts at work. Behind that were hours of counseling. Thousands of dollar spent on occupational therapy. Weekly doctor visits to address the impact on my physical health.

It took 3 different practitioners telling me I was suffering from PTSD before I realized that this wasn’t just me being unable to keep it together. I went on disability. This all happened because one person started to believe the steady diet of lies that reinforced a belief.

And so while we may view Charlottesville, Charleston, Pittsburgh, El Paso, Atlanta and now Buffalo as isolated incidents. This ideology is feeding into everyday aggression in every walk of life.

To be clear, this is not a comparison. This is NOT a comparison. This is a yes, and. Because we have to stamp out the embers of hate along with the infernos. Otherwise we’ll all continue to be victims on one scale or another.

I’m sharing this now because I realized the fear that kept me from speaking up because of possible retribution or the impact on my reputation is rooted in the same bigotry. And frankly, I’ve made it through too much to silence my voice while others suffer.

I also would never want to be a part of an organization that would be leery of having me because I had the nerve to speak out against intolerance on a public platform. It’s not polite, but neither is what happens to far too many of us. Thanks for reading.